


there's a lullaby

by roebelenii



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Drabble, Father-Daughter Relationship, Gen, Phase Four (Gorillaz), Reconciliation, Spirit House (Gorillaz)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 18:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14118516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roebelenii/pseuds/roebelenii
Summary: it's been twelve years.





	there's a lullaby

the air was cold, and a cloud of cigarette smoke hung in front of the house. noodle set down a warm mug next to the man sitting on the steps, and sat neatly on the steps above, taking a sip of her coffee (no milk, six spoonfuls of sugar).

"never expected to see you up so early, old man."

"you should know by now i didn't sleep, love. how are you?"

noodle gazed around her surroundings— an empty field, across an empty road, under a dark, empty, grey sky. to her left she could hear the white noise of cars on the tangle of highways.

"i've been better," she replied.

murdoc took a long drag of his cigarette, and took a sip from the mug (cream, no sugar).

"do you remember," he paused to think. "the day you arrived. jumped out of that fucking crate like a kangaroo on speed, nearly gave poor dents a heart attack."

noodle chuckled under her breath. "don't think ive ever seen him more scared," she said.

"well. apart from—" he glanced back towards her— "you know."

she stiffened, and drew her arms in towards her stomach.

"i– i'm sorry, pet, i didn't mean—"

"why?"

murdoc looked down into his coffee.

"why what?" he asked. he didn't need to ask. she could tell he knew what she was going to ask him.

"why did you– you do it? why did you lie to them? why did you let them think i was dead? why didn't you—" noodle wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her sweater. "why didn't you fucking look for me? you— you promised you would keep me safe. you _promised_ you would find me, no matter what. you promised it would be _okay,_ and— and then i _died—_ " she wiped her face with the sleeve of her sweater.

"love, i—" murdoc started to say.

she looked up at the dark sky, slowly starting to glow. "i was _fifteen,_  mudz. i was fifteen, and you and chii and russ were all i had. you let them think i was dead. did you ever even think about telling them? or was your fucking plan to kill manson more important to you than your own— than me? did you ever even look for me? did you even need me anymore or was that fucking robot good enough for you?"

noodle felt a cold hand gently take her own hand, and looked down to see murdoc looking at her with an expression she couldn't place— maybe concern, maybe guilt.

"i looked for you," he said. "i looked everywhere, love. i spent half my savings trying to find you. i called in favors, i hired the top investigators, i even went to fucking hades himself. darling, i— i had to believe you were dead, because i couldn't handle knowing i killed you. i made cyborg to convince myself that you were fine, that you were here."

"why did you lie to them?"

"they couldn't tell anyone, or the plan would be ruined. i—"

"oh my _god,_  it's all about the fucking plan, isn't it—"

"i _wanted_  to tell them, love. i wanted to, so badly. it nearly killed me, seeing them like that. you have to believe me."

noodle blinked back tears as she stood up, snatching her hand away.

"i was so angry at you for so long, murdoc. for putting me on the fucking island, for not coming for me, and then for replacing me. i wanted to forgive you. and i— i just—"

she wiped her nose on her sleeve again, and brushed her hair out of her eyes.

"when me and russ arrived at plastic beach, when i saw you, i didn't think "theres the man who raised me, who made me a good person, who cared about me," i thought "there's the man who left me for dead." for twelve years, you were the man who betrayed me, who left me. i want to forgive you, mudz. i really, really do. but i don't know if i can."

murdoc started to stand up. she turned around and went back inside, coffee forgotten.

**Author's Note:**

> notes on characterization:
> 
> -noodle's seen murdoc at his worst- she knows how cruel he can be. but she believes that's not who he truly is because she's seen him be kind. she has faith in him to be better.
> 
> -noodle was raised by murdoc- not necessarily someone who's particularly vocal about their emotions. she takes after him. she sees him as his father, but she would never say so ("than your own- than me"). she never says i love you but the boys know she means it
> 
> -noodle is a morning person because i said so
> 
> -murdoc actually likes sugar in his coffee but he thinks it makes him seem soft
> 
> -noodle's sweater is actually probably russel's, she steals everyone's clothes
> 
> -title from saving us a riot by phoria
> 
> constructive criticism welcome!


End file.
